What to do when you're at the end of yourself

written by Taber Cheo

What do you do when you’re at the end of yourself? You’ve taken the big step of faith and nothing turned out at all how you anticipated. You feel doubt steadily arise as the days drag on. Fear arouses your anxiety as the unknown future haunts your every thought. “Did I mishear? Is there something else to let go of? What did I do wrong?” Questions spiral out of control as shame condemns your every motive. You feel like your faith is holding on by a tiny thread. This has been my most recent journey with the Lord and how He continues to Father me through it.

It all began with a very empowering discussion with my wife Hannah in 2017. We had just returned from a missions training abroad and felt Holy Spirit shifting our hearts towards Los Angeles, CA and inviting us to a “tending” and discovering of what was already inside of us. As we continued in this conversation with the Lord and pursued some inner healing, we began to rediscover the dreams and passions He’s placed inside of us. Hannah began to dream about adoption, regenerative gardening and a place of gathering around the table in the Father’s Love. I mentioned acting and began to come alive as I saw artistic storytelling impacting souls around the world. 

After laying them all out on the table, we decided to challenge ourselves to take steps toward seeing these God dreams come to life. Many of these steps would require risky sacrifices if we planned to build a family with a secure future. But, as mentioned, our faith was strong and our conviction was heavy as we believe whole heartedly that our dreams and passions were intentionally designed and strategically placed for us to steward well. So to seek the kingdom first, we decided to take the leap to steward these dreams and passions as a priority and trust God with the rest. 

Thus began the journey of stepping out in faith at a much larger degree than ever. Doing anything we could, I was pursuing acting by investing into classes, headshots, and getting into as many projects as possible. Hannah was studying up on regenerative gardening, taking courses on wholeness, and looking into foster-to-adopt programs. On and on we continued to grind as our credit card debt climbed. Little breakthroughs like getting my SAG card and Hannah getting connections and practice in on gardening were keeping us encouraged over the years. But eventually the cons began to outweigh the pros as the risk grew higher and higher.

It is now the beginning of 2026. Coming up on 9 years since we began our journey of pursuing what we believed God was calling us to do. Judging by the results and outcomes, it is safe to conclude that now would be the time to give up hope on all fronts. I’ve gained 2 very small principle roles in the first decade of my career. While we’ve acquired our first house with a good acre to practice farming on, we have zero funding for it as our bills continue to significantly surpass our income (not to mention that credit card debt we are nowhere near paying off). Needless to say, we are at the end of ourselves, questioning everything with even greater unknown than when we started. This is not the lives we anticipated for our family. 

As hard as this season has been, in the midst of my doubts and questions, God continues to speak to me like a true Father. Constant, steady, unsurprised, and unwavering. He’s spoken to me clearly and confidently as if He not only knows infinitely more than I do, but also believes in me and the decisions I make with Him. To be Honest, I haven’t found much comfort in what he’s said. In my current situation, I’d prefer the type of wise counsel that provides a step by step process of what to do and who to meet that would pull me out of the position I’m in and into the way of thriving and flourishing in all that we’ve put our hands to. Instead, He’s said things like, “do what you think is best”, “write more poetry,” “spend more time with me,” “speak to me everything,” “be silent.” 

While God seems to avert the focus of my questions, I’ve shifted them to a deeper level. Instead of asking him for provision and the right connections, I’m asking him what He wants me to focus on. So far His response has been very real and profound. During this highly demanding and pressurized season of my life, God has instructed me to focus on my heart and expose anything that is out of alignment with Him, who is Truth. Obviously, this approach doesn’t sound like a promising money maker in the least. But if God said to focus on it, then I ought to do it.

What I’ve discovered during this time as the Lord has led through a “wilderness” is that a part of my heart has a deep need for belonging. All my anxieties and insecurities seem to be stemming from that root and this is what God wants me to pay attention to. He wants that part of my heart to believe in my belonging in Him so that I am not found thwarted by the pressures of this season. When I meditate on my belonging in Him, I feel more of a sense of freedom, peace, confidence. For if I belong to the One who knows all and is all faithful, then I can put my trust in nothing else. 

Whether you’re in the same boat, made it on the other side, or somewhere in between, I hope this blesses you in your season. Sometimes what God wants us to focus on goes against every rule of what you “should” do. My main focus was what I wanted God to do on the outside; breakthrough in my career, giving me wisdom to pay my debt, etc. But God’s main focus was for renewal and healing on the inside. It was uncomfortable, challenging and stretching, but necessary. Therefore, I encourage you to yield to the season God has you in. Be transparent with him. Be vulnerable with him. Allow him to expose the depths of your heart so you can actually grow with Him and live the way you were always supposed to as a beloved son or daughter.

To hear more in depth of how I walked through this process of healing, meet me in my next blog post.

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